Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
