i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
