Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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