my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
