I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm like, not good at living.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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