It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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