I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
