I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize