can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
