There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
