i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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