theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
