if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
