the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
