Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
