You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
