i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
