Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
