oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
