its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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