I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
People in love make me want to vomit
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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