Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
