I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
