you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
