woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
