Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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