Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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