You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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