I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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