Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
