Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
