They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
