I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
