Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
