haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im having a threesome with these popsicles
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
