oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
