That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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