Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
