i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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