I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
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Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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