Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
