i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
