It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
