i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
