hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
