Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
