Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
