I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
