If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
