the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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