Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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