I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
