Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
