i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
