i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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