it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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