Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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