So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
