Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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