so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
