My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
