I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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