I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize