So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize