I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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