This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
