i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
