Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
