I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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