were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
