its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
