im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
