I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
