The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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