Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
