I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
