well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
