I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
