God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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