My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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