Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
