she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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