I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize