girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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