that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
