There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?