i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize