I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?