11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
