I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Hippo gnu deer
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?